intro to documentary production
I have always considered myself to be a creative person. I loved art when I was younger, even though my favorite subject for a long time was science. It took me a long time to realize creativity was not limited to art, but found everywhere. I saw being creative as a way to express myself. A way to take what I was feeling on the inside and put it on the outside so that other people could understand me. To me, being creative was about being heard and understood because I didn't feel like I was a lot of the time.
Growing up with mental illnesses from a young age, I constantly felt that I was unable to adequately express what was inside my head. I have trouble with it to this day. I find it easier through art and photography. I use my creativity to show others how I see the world in hopes that they might understand me a little bit better. The hardest part of creative actions for me in coming up with the initial idea. I'm not sure if it's because I think my ideas may not be good enough or if my mind just goes too many directions at once and I have trouble focusing on individual ideas. It may be a bit of both, honestly. It's something I'm trying to improve. I would also like to learn how to be creative in other ways. For example, I have always enjoyed art, but I have never had the patience to sit down and become particularly good at things I would like to be good at. I like sketching and drawing, but just quick little drawings. I keep saying I'll sit down and practice, but I haven't yet. I do have a video class saved on my computer. Baby steps. I think I could be more creative if I was less in my head and didn't care what other people thought as much as I do. I am better at being creative in bursts because I have trouble sitting still and spending time in quiet spaces. Partly because my mind starts going to fast when it's too quiet. For example, as I'm typing this I'm also thinking about visiting home over the weekend and about Star Wars because I can see my stuffed Chewbacca out of the corner of my eye. Sitting still is hard, but sitting still and reflecting on things I'd like to create is harder. But I'm not one to back down from a challenge, and that is what I'm challenging myself to work on this semester and this year overall. I know I have creative potential, I just want to actually feel like I am creative more than I do currently. There are so many things I am curious about and so many things I would like to do, but I have a habit of talking myself down from them. I think becoming aware of that tendency has been helpful because I can catch myself doing it sometimes and work to reverse it. I know that failure is okay and it'll bring about new ideas and opportunities, but it's still frightening.